This day…

this morning I overslept.  missed the registration for a 5 k I wanted to walk/run for work.  Bummer.

But, then I went to the park and walk/ran my fastest 1k and fastest mile ever.  Redemption, almost.

After deciding I couldnt deal with my husband’s family this afternoon I went to the craft store, bought a bunch of Fall stuff and visited my dads grave.  And it hit me, all over again, I miss him so much. i valued his opinion more than almost anyones, even when I disagreed, even when the dementia was taking over and moments of lucidity were few and far between, I valued what he had to say.  I can still, if I sit very still, hear his voice, his laughter, his whistle.  Whenever he wanted me, whether I was 100 yards down the beach or on the neighbors porch, he would whistle.  And, I would come home.

Today I sat at his grave and discussed these health issues that are raising their head.  Since they mirror the conditions he dealt with, I asked for his guidance, his help, a little intervention — to get me through.  I hung his new flag, I straightened the flowers, kissed his stone, and left.  I cant say I felt better.  But I felt that he had been there with me.  And I know he knows I miss him.

changes and stages and afternoons in the sun

Are you freaking kidding me?  Diabetes?  Seriously?  Its like we took a chronological timeline of my dads medical history and dumped it into me.  His open heart surgery at 52.  My stents?  You guessed it, 52. Sleep apnea diagnosis shortly thereafter.  And now, at 57, “Cindy, looking at those numbers, we’re talking diabetes, just like your dad”.  Oh hell.  And like dad, overweight, busy as all get out but also very static lifestyle.  I work, behind a desk, my hobbies?  Knitting, spinning, sewing ( in all honesty I do use my serger standing up, does that count?),reading…playing with my grandbabies.  Most of these involve very little aerobic or strength building exercise….the good news is I don’t and never have smoked, my cholesterol is maintaining good numbers with the medication….but, diabetes?  Oh hell.

Answered the phone and relayed the visit to my husband.  When I got home tonight he was chopping a vegetable salad into our biggest salad bowl, rotisseried chicken on the side.  Assuring me it would be ok, we would lose weight together, walk together, eat better, together. And now, 2 hours later.  Im hungry.  hes asleep in his chair, lucky dog, but Im hungry.  time for some whole grain cereal and skim milk.  Yum.

So, I guess I have to take this seriously, walk a mile a day, watch my diet, lower stress.  Oh hell.