I am SO not my mother’s daughter. I tell myself this regularly. I pray at night that my wish will come true and that I can hold on to the precious few memories of bonding with my mom and let loose of the pain and the wound tight persona she embodies.
And, today I am reminded of just how much I am not my mothers daughter. Packing one more box for the dual moves we are making over the next month, I came across two poems written to us by our daughters. the first, from our oldest, musing about her memories of car rides and long talks, full of joy and melancholy and family. The second, a sort of apology and gratitude piece from our youngest, who often feels she has to apology for her past. This is not true, she does not have to apologize. She is the most caring, involved, loving person I know. her passion has led her astray a few times when she was young , but she has nothing to apologize for. her experiences have made her the amazing woman she is today.
But, anyway. As I picked up these two poems and read them, I remembered the last notes I had found tucked away in drawers and boxes. The hate filled notes my mother had written for me to find when, she assumed, she was dead and I was organizing her life’s clutter. I found them early, but their bite was just as strong.
And I am happy that the notes I have chosen to save are filled with hope, and joy and love. With good memories and praise. Notes that will make everyone who reads them, now or in years to come, know that this family faced things together, and loved each other through every heartache. I am SO not my mother’s daughter….