this morning I overslept. missed the registration for a 5 k I wanted to walk/run for work. Bummer.
But, then I went to the park and walk/ran my fastest 1k and fastest mile ever. Redemption, almost.
After deciding I couldnt deal with my husband’s family this afternoon I went to the craft store, bought a bunch of Fall stuff and visited my dads grave. And it hit me, all over again, I miss him so much. i valued his opinion more than almost anyones, even when I disagreed, even when the dementia was taking over and moments of lucidity were few and far between, I valued what he had to say. I can still, if I sit very still, hear his voice, his laughter, his whistle. Whenever he wanted me, whether I was 100 yards down the beach or on the neighbors porch, he would whistle. And, I would come home.
Today I sat at his grave and discussed these health issues that are raising their head. Since they mirror the conditions he dealt with, I asked for his guidance, his help, a little intervention — to get me through. I hung his new flag, I straightened the flowers, kissed his stone, and left. I cant say I felt better. But I felt that he had been there with me. And I know he knows I miss him.