rethinking….me

Lost my dad 4 years ago today.  4 years.  Not a day goes by where I dont think of him, or something  i want to tell him, or show him, or ask his advice about.

But what is giving me pause tonight is the realization that I didnt remember this was the anniversary of his death until 8 pm this evening.  Sitting on the couch, it hit me, It’s April 7.

No way I should ever be too busy or stressed or self involved to miss the anniversary of my father’s death.  No way I should spend the day involved in a hundred other issues and not take the time to go to his grave.

Im sorry dad.  Sorry that i get self involved.

Time to rethink me a bit.  Or  a lot.  I pride myself on realizing what is important in life, in putting my family first, in praising God, in working a life of service.  But, at what cost.  Time to center ….

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2 thoughts on “rethinking….me

  1. My dad has been gone 10 years as of some date last month. I’m not big on keeping track of dates. Personally, I would just as soon forget my actual birthday; age is just another number, at this point especially, as far as I’m concerned. My mom always kept track of this stuff, and still does, to the point of obsession, for my taste.

    I’m more like Dad. His physical decline started at age 50, though he lived, largely intact, till age 75. I’ll be 60 later this month and am thankfully in pretty good shape. I don’t recall that he paid that much attention to dates, either. I remember that he loved his daughters and granddaughters and expect that he would have wanted only health and happiness for us all, even after his death, and not so much that he would have wanted us to recognize or remember that date in any way, really.

    Instead, what I think all of his younger survivors, including my husband, do pretty often is remember his attitudes, his sayings, his expressions and his favorite things. These memories pop up in unexpected times and places. They make us happy. They bring a smile to our faces, a chuckle to our throats or a lift to our hearts. I think that would be his preference as to when and how we remember him.

    1. Thank you for this. I am sure you are correct, my dad wouldnt want me staring at a calendar each day saying “hmm. dads been gone ___ days”, but it still hit kind of hard. And, yes, memories of him make me smile, and chuckle on a daily basis. Great blessings these dads of ours…

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