What mess is this?

I refuse to believe this is a Pre-Christmas funk, because I just dont do that.  I prefer to think of it as post -traumatic stress syndrome.  Dramatic?  maybe, but over the past 7 or so years my life has been full of bumps, hell, downright BUMPS interspersed with immeasurable  moments of golden joy — and I think it is really beginning to take its toll.

I have said for years that I am the worst judge of character EVER.  I believe what people say to me, I am sure that I am mistaken, or to blame, if someone comes off as iffy or shady.  I let people, or in this case, institutions, in and then I am amazed, floored, downright pissed off when they let me down.

Someone said to me yesterday “Your one weakness is you dont like being told NO”.  Huh.  Like that’s ever happened.  I’ve heard and FELT no more times than I can remember.  Havent we all?  My weakness is I expect to be told “yes” when it is regarding someone or something that I believe in.

And I have reached a time in my life where I have the voice to say so.  But, I still am disappointed when I have to regroup, rethink, reexamine someone or something I have put my energy into.

And, I also, deal with the reality that every hit brings back some of the bangs of the past.

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