Okay, so Im a little late to this, but suffice it to say I don’t lose weight well. Blame it on years of taking care of everyone but myself or the fact that I have a daughter who battled bulimia and anorexia, or on the idea that I am pretty ego centric and think that I deserve EVERYTHING I want. Blame it on the reality that when I look into the mirror I see smiling eyes and good hair….and sort of let the rest of it go…. But, whatever the cause, I stay the same weight — a weight that, truth be told, is about 40 pounds more than I would like it to be. (My cardiologist would up that number, but seriously? Im 57, what would I do with all that extra skin? bleh)
So, last Tuesday I decided to buy a blender and whip myself up a green smoothie. Despite the color, OMG, it really IS green…I found it tasty. So I took a long walk, ate light the rest of the day, drank green tea…..and congratulated myself on making a good healthy start. Taa Daa. The next 6 days have followed that plan, except for the walking. I like to walk, hell, I love to walk, yet I find many excuses NOT to walk each day. Too cold, my foot hurts, company is coming, one of the grandbabies needs me…..gotta go to work…too cold…you get the picture.
Well, its Tuesday again. And while I PROMISE that this will not become a “my year of green smoothies” blog, I am going to get on the scale today and see if the change in diet has produced any result. Because, you see, I don’t lose weight well. Typically I drop a few pounds, start to see my jeans fitting a bit better and then binge. Seriously. Salted caramel ice cream, French bread, rice….shrimp, milk shakes. Because, as my therapist told me a few years back when I was going through the “what am I doing in this marriage?” stage, I have a hidden need to not be attractive to men…or threatening to women. So, if I present as a round grammy, toting knitting needles and a cozy quilt, Im safe. Safe for you to talk to, safe from being accosted by a man, safe. This, I think, is at the root of the weight issue. At my present ( or actually last Tuesday’s) weight I’m presentable. Non threatening. I can still get dressed nicely and not embarrass anyone, I can fit in chairs, through doors and go for a long walk with my grandbabies. Safe. Curious to see where this all leads……will I be able to keep me while losing some of me?